So, to summarise...

- So, to summarise, Vincent, we have one school which is achieving outstanding results.

- Oh, dear!

- It has a truly Catholic ethos: pupils attend Mass weekly, pray daily and have a vibrant Catholic identity.

- Worse and worse!

- Parents are committed to the school and to maintaining its ethos.

- Parents! Who needs them!

- The intake is broad from many cultures and all social strata.

- So what are you doing about it?

- Well, we're changing the admissions criteria, so only families rich enough to live locally will be able to attend.

- Good, good...

- We're excluding any parents from the governing body.

- What about parent governors?

- Oh, they're parents - just not of children at the school!

- Well done! Genius!

- We're lucky that the excellent headmaster has retired, so we'll be able to appoint a more appropriate one.

- How are we to ensure we get the right person?

- We have packed the governing body with our people, so that should be all right.

- Good - it sounds as though we are on the right track.

- But the parents are revolting!

- Tell me about it...

- At a meeting we called the other night, some 400 were questioning our policies and intentions.

- So how did you respond?

- Oh, we didn't go...

[So take a look at the petition, and if you agree with it, sign it (go on, you know you want to really!)]